Pay very close
attention to the facts they'll make you wonder, "Why wasn't I born
a pig?"
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have
produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
( Hardly seems worth it )
>>>>
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months enough gas is
produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
( Now that's more like it )
>>>>
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.
( Oh my God! )
>>>>
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
( In my next life I want to be a pig )
>>>>
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
( I'm still not over the pig )
>>>>
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
death.
( Creepy )
>>>>
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to
its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
( Honey, I'm home. What the **** ! )
>>>>
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
( I still want to be a pig in my next life. Quality over quantity. )
>>>>
Butterflies taste their own feet.
( Something I always wanted to know )
>>>>
Elephants are the only animal that cannot jump.
( OK, so that would be a good thing.... )
>>>>
A cat's urine glows under a blacklight.
( I wonder who was paid to figure that out )
>>>>
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that )
>>>>
Starfish have no brains.
( I know some people like that, too )
>>>>
Polar bears are left handed.
( Who knew...? Who cares! )
>>>>
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
( What about the pig? )
********************************************************************************
Its Great To Be A Guy Because ...
Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
> > > >
Your orgasms are real. Always.
> > > >
Your last name stays put.
> > > >
The garage is all yours.
> > > >
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
> > > >
Chocolate is just another snack.
> > > >
Foreplay is optional.
> > > >
You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
> > > >
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
> > > >
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
> > > >
The world is your urinal.
> > > >
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
> > > >
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too
icky.
> > > >
Wrinkles add character.
> > > >
You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
> > > >
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
> > > >
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
> > > >
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
> > > >
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
> > > >
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
> > > >
Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
> > > >
Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
> > > >
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything
different?"
> > > >
One mood, ALL the damn time.
> > > >
Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
> > > >
You know stuff about tanks.
> > > >
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
> > > >
You can open all your own jars.
> > > >
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
> > > >
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
> > > >
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
> > > >
You can kill your own food.
> > > >
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
> > > >
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your
friend.
> > > >
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
> > > >
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
> > > >
Everything on your face stays its original color.
> > > >
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
> > > >
You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
> > > >
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy without ever thinking:
"He must be mad at me."
> > > >
No maxi-pads.
> > > >
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
> > > >
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might
become lifelong friends.
> > > >
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
> > > >
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
> > > >
You almost never have strap problems in public.
> > > >
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
> > > >
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
> > > >
You don't have to shave below your neck.
> > > >
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
> > > >
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
> > > >
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
> > > >
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th,
in 45 minutes.